My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
