So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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