is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
