I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
