are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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