Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize