Quick, to the slutcave!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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