I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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