why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
