Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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