The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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