would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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