My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
