i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize