I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
