I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
