Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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