Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
