you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
