A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
