A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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