Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
