Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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