how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
