the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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