Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
