it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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