I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
