We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
