Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
