somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
