All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
