so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize