Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
