Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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