Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
