i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
