well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
