Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize