So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
