i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize