1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
