He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
