And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
