Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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