did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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