so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
