All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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