I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
