I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
