so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize