You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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