That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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