I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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