There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
