I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
