How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
