The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
