All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize