Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
