I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
