spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
