i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
