i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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