it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
