tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
