im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
