Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love you. Go after that dick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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