I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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