I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
