i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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