cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
organizing the empties. That sober.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
