Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
