yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
